The Silent Door: How Unresolved Offense Drives People Out of the Church

Luke 17:1"Then He said to the disciples, 'It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!'" (NKJV)

When we study the teachings of Jesus, we discover that His words touch every area of human life. Nothing was outside the scope of His concern, not our relationships, attitudes, motives, leadership, or conduct toward one another. In Luke 17:1, Jesus addresses a reality that every believer will eventually face: offense.

Notice that Jesus did not say offenses might come. He said it is impossible that they should not come. In other words, offense is not an occasional occurrence but an unavoidable reality in a fallen world. As long as imperfect people interact with one another, opportunities for hurt, disappointment, misunderstanding, and conflict will arise.

Yet Jesus did not stop there. He immediately added a solemn warning: "But woe to him through whom they do come!" While stumbling blocks are inevitable, God holds accountable those who become the cause of spiritual harm to others.

The Reality of Offense

The Greek word translated as "offense" or "stumbling block" is skandalon, referring to a trap, snare, or obstacle that causes someone to fall.

Jesus was acknowledging several realities:

* Temptations will come.

* Offenses will occur.

* False teachings will arise.

* Relationships will be tested.

* People will experience hurt and disappointment.

* Opportunities to fall away from God will exist.

This is the reality of living in a broken world. Jesus was not approving of these things; He was simply preparing His disciples for them.

The church is not exempt from this reality. In fact, because believers are called into close fellowship with one another, opportunities for offense often become more frequent. Wherever people serve, lead, worship, and labor together, misunderstandings and mistakes are bound to occur.

The Pattern Behind Many Church Divisions

If we honestly examine many church conflicts, divisions, and departures, a common pattern often emerges.

First, an offense occurs.

Then the offense is left unresolved.

The unresolved offense develops into bitterness.

Bitterness creates distance and distrust.

Eventually, separation follows.

Many church splits and departures do not begin with doctrinal disagreements. They often begin with wounds that were never healed.

The writer of Hebrews warns:

"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15)

A bitter root rarely remains isolated. It eventually affects relationships, families, ministries, and entire congregations.

This is why Scripture repeatedly emphasizes reconciliation before bitterness has an opportunity to take root.

The Responsibility of the Offended

In many churches, considerable attention is rightly given to teaching believers how to respond when they are offended.

Scripture encourages us to forgive.

Scripture commands us to pursue peace.

Scripture warns against harboring bitterness.

Paul writes:

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

Every believer has a responsibility to guard his or her heart against resentment. No one can justify bitterness simply because they were hurt.

However, while much is preached about overcoming offense, there is another side of the conversation that is often neglected.

The Responsibility of Those Who Cause Offense

Jesus did not merely say that offenses would come. He also declared, "Woe to him through whom they come."

This means that God takes seriously the actions of those who become the source of spiritual injury.

This principle applies to everyone, but especially to those entrusted with spiritual leadership.

Pastors, elders, ministry leaders, and church workers are not exempt from making mistakes. They are human. They can speak carelessly, act unwisely, misjudge situations, overlook people, or make decisions that wound others.

The issue is not whether leaders can make mistakes.

The issue is how they respond when they do.

Unfortunately, there are times when leaders encourage others to practice forgiveness while struggling to demonstrate the same humility themselves.

Members are often told:

* "The church is not perfect."

* "People will always disappoint you."

* "You need to overcome the offense."

While these statements are true, they should never become excuses for avoiding personal responsibility.

Biblical leadership requires more than teaching others how to forgive. It also requires the humility to say:

"I was wrong."

"Please forgive me."

"I did not handle that correctly."

"I am sorry for the hurt I caused."

Such words do not weaken leadership; they strengthen it.

The Example of Christ

Jesus Himself never sinned and never wronged anyone. He had no need to repent or ask forgiveness.

Yet despite His perfection, He demonstrated extraordinary humility.

Paul writes:

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 2:5)

Christ's leadership was characterized by humility, gentleness, and servant-heartedness.

If the sinless Son of God humbled Himself, how much more should imperfect leaders be willing to humble themselves when they have caused hurt?

The greatest leaders in God's kingdom are not those who never make mistakes; they are those who are quick to acknowledge them.

Accountability Is Not Weakness

There is a dangerous mindset that can sometimes develop within leadership:

"If they are offended, that is their problem."

"They can stay if they want."

"They can leave if they want."

Such attitudes fail to reflect the heart of the Good Shepherd.

When a wounded believer quietly walks away, the issue should not immediately be, "Why did they leave?" Sometimes the more important question is, "Did we contribute to their wound?"

This does not mean leaders are responsible for every departure.

Some people refuse correction.

Some choose bitterness over reconciliation.

Some become offended for reasons beyond anyone's control.

Even Jesus could not satisfy everyone.

However, when an offense has genuinely been caused by our own actions, Scripture calls us to pursue reconciliation.

Jesus taught:

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them." (Matthew 5:23–24)

Notice that Jesus places responsibility upon the one who has become the source of the offense to seek reconciliation.

Healing Wounded Hearts

The church is filled with wounded people.

Some have been hurt by the world.

Some have been hurt by fellow believers.

Some battle personal struggles and disappointments.

And yes, some have been wounded by church leaders.

Sadly, when people leave, they are often discussed, criticized, or labeled rather than lovingly pursued.

Yet many of them are not looking for arguments.

They are looking for healing.

Sometimes a sincere apology can accomplish more than a hundred sermons on forgiveness.

Sometimes the words, "I was wrong. Please forgive me," can restore trust, heal wounds, and prevent division.

This does not mean compromising truth or allowing manipulation. Rather, it means demonstrating the humility of Christ.

Humility heals what pride often destroys.

A Call to Both Leaders and Congregations

Luke 17:1 calls both leaders and members to examine themselves.

Believers must guard their hearts against bitterness and learn to forgive.

Leaders must guard their conduct and be willing to take responsibility when they have caused hurt.

The church thrives when both accountability and forgiveness work together.

A congregation that refuses to forgive will become bitter.

A leadership that refuses accountability will become prideful.

But where humility meets forgiveness, healing follows.

The goal is not merely preventing people from leaving churches. The goal is preserving the unity, love, and testimony of Christ's body.

May we never become a stumbling block to others, and when we fail, may we possess the humility to seek reconciliation quickly.

For offenses may be inevitable, but division does not have to be.

This approach keeps the focus on the biblical principle of Luke 17:1 while avoiding the extremes of either blaming only the congregation or only the leadership. It emphasizes both personal responsibility and Christlike humility, which is the balance Jesus Himself taught.